The thing is, you keep asking me exactly what I want. Do I want you to stay or do I want you to go? I want to give you an answer so badly, but it’s the fact that I just don’t know. My heart is telling me to not let you go, not again. My brain is telling me to be logical and not let you put yourself in danger.
I feel selfish. I feel alone. I don’t feel like I have anyone. My parents are in China. My brother is in Maryland. My aunt, cousin, niece, and nephew are in Pennsylvania. There will be no one to look after me, no one to keep me company.
Just when things were beginning to look up, I got you sick and your symptoms took a drastic turn for the worse. Double vision, blurry vision, loss of control of your muscles… It’s all my fault. Literally overnight I watched you deteriorate back, our yearlong progress seemed to disappear - to rewind backwards.
Now, time is ticking.
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive. Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly.
The second most debilitating feeling
I have combated thus far is homesickness.
Home is the constellations hidden within your bones.
Home is the radiance in my reflection
when your eyes meet mine.
Home is the taste of my name
when you sigh it into my mouth.
Home is the kisses you plant
on all the places I hate most about myself.
Home is your arms wrapped
around me like a warm blanket
fresh out of the dryer.
Home is the tear
that glistens in your eye
when our lack of time
becomes a harsh reality.
I don’t know quantum physics,
or where we go when we die.
But I do know that home is not a place,
it’s the feeling immersed in your bones
when you realize you’re right
where you’re destined to be.
I love this
“This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.”Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed (via fawun)
“How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you.”TheDailyPositive.com (via thedailypozitive)
“You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be.”TheDailyPositive.com (via thedailypozitive)